In a few months, I am finally going to get to see my favorite band The Head and the Heart. They're promoting their newest album, and they released a single that I immediate fell in love with. The music, the lyrics, it's all good. It's called All We Ever Knew, and it tells a story about something that happened in the past that didn't work out and finally deciding to make the decision to leave it behind and make up for it.
You can read all the lyrics. It's uncanny how relatable it is for me. That's one of the reasons I love the song so much, but as hopeful as the song sounds, I do not agree with it.
The song speaks truth that life is hard and things get destroyed, people hurt. And yes, we have to wake up from dwelling on our past. My own transgressions that I wish were buried still linger in my waking thoughts and haunt my deepest dreams. It's good and right to pray for freedom from these things. But the lyric that says it's time to make up for it, that's futility.
How long would my list of things I must make up for be, and how often would I add to it? Sounds exhausting, yet I try. I'm sobered when I see that some things cannot be made up for by man, but somehow I manage to tell myself that if I become this certain person then the pain that I caused to myself and others will stop and I'll finally be free. And instead of freedom, I am enslaved to an endless endeavor.
I've come to accept that some of my actions may have lifelong consequences, to myself and others, and the thorns in my side may never be removed, and that sucks. It really sucks. But I need to stop putting my faith in the idea that I can make up for it and put my faith in the truth that it has been forgiven. Whether or not I still feel the pain, it's forgiven, so I will rejoice in that and not in my futile endeavors. It's time to wake up from that.
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rust upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."